OtherThanMother

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Personal Growth~Step One~But I have children!

The main purpose of Other Than Mother is to promote women to expand their lives  beyond their mothering role.  Personal Growth is a part of life.  We live, we make mistakes, we are dealt difficulties and we learn and move forward and grow.  Women with children have a wonderful opportunity for growth in that their lives are so entangled in the lives and needs of those who depend on them that they become very good at flexibility, decision making, living in the moment, growing, teaching, learning, forgiving, asking forgiveness, letting go and holding on tight.  They learn valuable lessons within the mothering role.

Because women are biologically designed to be attached, bonded and protective of their children it often becomes a dilemma for them when they wish to do something for themselves.   In fact society itself, even this more modern liberal society I live in here in Canada sets women up for the rock and the hard place once they become mothers.  It says “yes you can be and do whatever you want as a woman, the doors are open, the glass ceiling has been broken” but it still contains the old ideals that women need to make the nest, keep it clean and feed the birdies while daddy plays a secondary role in this.

And the hard reality is you can’t leave the children alone and go to a meeting or attend a seminar so the time needs to be carved out.   When women choose to do something to connect with themselves, to take a proactive approach in their own personal growth it is often their partners who have to step up and give their time to the children.  Good.  That’s how it’s supposed to be.  The opportunity to be a parent is a gift.  Share that gift with the person you are partnered with.   The very first step we as women need to take is to tell our partners what we intend to do and then do it.  I don’t ask my partner to watch his children, I let him know that I have something to do.  I am very fortunate that my partner supports me in all I want to do because he knows and trusts that my priorities are the same as his and that our family benefits from a happy and fulfilled me.  He knows this because  he’s seen how cranky a bored and unfulfilled me can be and he likes happy me much better!

Let others care for your children. If you have a partner give him the opportunity to be the parent he or she should be and is capable of being.  Allow  your children the benefit of having both parents take care of them.  If you don’t have a partner seek assistance from extended family and others who love your children and will give their time to you and them.  If that isn’t an option then hire someone should finances allow.  And finally, if those options aren’t available to you go to the library and buy books on personal growth and self reliance and read while the children play until those options become available.  Playgroups got me through those times.  I grew as a parent and a woman while sitting with other mothers and just being in their company and experiencing their support.  Your reality now isn’t likely your reality forever and personal growth is a journey and down the road you will find that time alone that you seek. 

This is a journey.  Whether you are new to the journey or whether you have the experience of moving back into yourself after the struggle, we are all women seeking growth opportunities and the key word here is “personal” and you have your challenges and they are as individual and wonderful as you are!

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July 21, 2009 Posted by | carving time, child care, children, Mommy Burnout, Mother, Other Than Mother, partners, Personal Growth, Seminars, Woman | Leave a comment

The Shift

The Shift is a new movie starring Dr. Wayne Dyer along with award winning actress Portia De Rossi and directed by Michael Goojian.  Beautiful Asilomar, California is the backdrop for this movie, a collection of several different storylines interwoven by the narration of Dr. Wayne Dyer as he teaches about life, love, happiness and peace. 

I chose this as my first Other Than Mother event because I felt it would be a great spring board to launch women into the journey to personal growth and discovery.  The story line of one particular character in the film exactly mirrors the dilemma faced by many women who have become mothers and lost who they really are as people.

The goal of Other Than Mother is to help women discover what it is that they love to do and try to do it.  Many women try to find their escape in superficial care taking, a manicure, a massage, a spa day, a shopping day but this type of event often has its place but it is only a temporary escape. 

Fitting in time for the passion of your life, whatever it is, a career, a hobby, sailing, running, writing, drawing is of utmost importance to the health of the woman and the family unit.

I liken the mother of the family to the rudder of a boat.  She keeps everybody on course.  But if she’s not cared for, damaged, bent the boat will not steer in the right direction. 

So the first step is identifying the passion.  The first seminar after the movie will be on that exact topic.  The speakers will be women who have found what they are passionate about and are doing it with family support and cooperation.

May 18, 2009 Posted by | Mother, Movie, Other Than Mother, Personal Growth, Seminars, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Other Than Mother

We, as mothers,  are all things to all people.  But within this truth we often forget we must be all things to ourselves.   As mothers we often get bogged down in the day to day tasks of caring for our children, our lives are wrapped up emotionally and physically as well as spiritually within this most important role, that is at the same time, our most undervalued role.  As so much pollen on the wind we often find that in placing our hearts and our lives at the beck and call of these beautiful creatures we lose the sense of ourselves we were born with.  We lose our zest, our joy for things that are completely ours to love.  We forget to laugh and  jump and play for ourselves,  and wind up a player in the games of other people.

It’s not all our fault.  We’ve been trained to and biology determines that our instincts adhere us to our children for the protection of the species.  But the human animal is blessed with a conscious mind and the desire to fulfill our own destiny is strong and often in conflict with our lives leaving us empty at the end of the day.

Carving out time for our own personal joy and growth is imperative to our self-actualization as a human being.  We have to let go of the idea that we are in this alone and reach out to other women to connect and learn and grow, beyond our parenting roles.

Other Than Mother is my initiative to get women doing just that.  My goal is to have women all over the world organise events that explore this idea so that other women will be motivated and given the opportunity to express their own growth and development outside of their mothering roles.

The very first event for Other Than Mother takes place on June 5th, 2009 in Stratford Ontario.  It is the movie screening of The Shift, a new film starring Dr. Wayne Dyer, that explores personal growth and a shift away from doing into being who you authentically are.  Several of the storylines are particularly relevant for women.  There will be discussion, social time after the movie.

A series of such events will allow mothers to remove themselves physically from their mothering roles.  As these events unfold they will be talked about and reported on here in this space.

May 17, 2009 Posted by | Mother, Other Than Mother, Woman | , , , | Leave a comment