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Personal Growth~Step One~But I have children!

The main purpose of Other Than Mother is to promote women to expand their lives  beyond their mothering role.  Personal Growth is a part of life.  We live, we make mistakes, we are dealt difficulties and we learn and move forward and grow.  Women with children have a wonderful opportunity for growth in that their lives are so entangled in the lives and needs of those who depend on them that they become very good at flexibility, decision making, living in the moment, growing, teaching, learning, forgiving, asking forgiveness, letting go and holding on tight.  They learn valuable lessons within the mothering role.

Because women are biologically designed to be attached, bonded and protective of their children it often becomes a dilemma for them when they wish to do something for themselves.   In fact society itself, even this more modern liberal society I live in here in Canada sets women up for the rock and the hard place once they become mothers.  It says “yes you can be and do whatever you want as a woman, the doors are open, the glass ceiling has been broken” but it still contains the old ideals that women need to make the nest, keep it clean and feed the birdies while daddy plays a secondary role in this.

And the hard reality is you can’t leave the children alone and go to a meeting or attend a seminar so the time needs to be carved out.   When women choose to do something to connect with themselves, to take a proactive approach in their own personal growth it is often their partners who have to step up and give their time to the children.  Good.  That’s how it’s supposed to be.  The opportunity to be a parent is a gift.  Share that gift with the person you are partnered with.   The very first step we as women need to take is to tell our partners what we intend to do and then do it.  I don’t ask my partner to watch his children, I let him know that I have something to do.  I am very fortunate that my partner supports me in all I want to do because he knows and trusts that my priorities are the same as his and that our family benefits from a happy and fulfilled me.  He knows this because  he’s seen how cranky a bored and unfulfilled me can be and he likes happy me much better!

Let others care for your children. If you have a partner give him the opportunity to be the parent he or she should be and is capable of being.  Allow  your children the benefit of having both parents take care of them.  If you don’t have a partner seek assistance from extended family and others who love your children and will give their time to you and them.  If that isn’t an option then hire someone should finances allow.  And finally, if those options aren’t available to you go to the library and buy books on personal growth and self reliance and read while the children play until those options become available.  Playgroups got me through those times.  I grew as a parent and a woman while sitting with other mothers and just being in their company and experiencing their support.  Your reality now isn’t likely your reality forever and personal growth is a journey and down the road you will find that time alone that you seek. 

This is a journey.  Whether you are new to the journey or whether you have the experience of moving back into yourself after the struggle, we are all women seeking growth opportunities and the key word here is “personal” and you have your challenges and they are as individual and wonderful as you are!


July 21, 2009 Posted by | carving time, child care, children, Mommy Burnout, Mother, Other Than Mother, partners, Personal Growth, Seminars, Woman | Leave a comment